What Your Fantasies Reveal About Trauma and Healing

Ever since I was young, I’ve had a fantastical imagination. It’s probably because I read a ton…with my favourite being science fiction. Growing up as Chinese, I also watched all the 金庸 TV shows. Fantastical heroes, good vs. evil, justice and oppression…all this drew me into their world. Not to mention all those flying heroes looking so suave and elegant on the screen.

As a kid, my fantasy has always been the hero. Someone so strong that other heroes would marvel at my power. And so pure that I would be revered for my morals. I would singlehandedly defeat armies of evil enemies, and even the most powerful villains stand no match, despite deploying devious schemes. I ran around my childhood home swinging my plastic sword, and throwing poorly coordinated punches and kicks at invisible enemies.

Overtime, my fantasy morphed and changed. For a period of time, I was the reluctant hero. Less showy, more brooding, but still super powerful. Then I was drawn to the redemption arc. Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender was my favourite.

In all stages, they reflected my psyche. Growing up, I was taught to strive for the best, be the best. A very typical message for the Asian diaspora, laced with elements of both Chinese and North American patriarchy. And my fantasy of being the most powerful reflected all of that.

By the time I entered the Redemption Arc fantasy, I was well aware of the harms that patriarchy has done to me, and in turn, the harms I have done to others. Having been raised under narcissistic abuse also meant that I only knew how to relate to others in very unhealthy ways. For me, healing involved learning how to love myself and also to forgive myself; hence, the redemption fantasy.

We can learn a lot about ourselves through what we fantasize about. Do you wish to be a movie star loved by the masses? Or maybe the President of Earth bringing world peace? Here are a few journal prompts to help you reflect on what your fantasies might mean, within the context of the different stages of your life.

1. In your fantasy, what role do you play, and what does that role give you that you yearn for in real life? (Examples of roles: protector, avenger, healer, star)

2. Who notices, believes in, or values you in this fantasy — and how is that different from your real past or present?

3. How has your fantasy changed over time, and what might that reveal about your healing journey?

Hey there, my name is Harry, and I’m an Asian therapist here to support your search for health and authenticity. If you are open to weekly self-care FUN-ctivities, subscribe to my “Happy Chemicals Club.” Or maybe you'd find my Asian Survival Guide helpful.

Harry Au

Therapy for Asians

MSW, RSW | he/him

HarryAuTherapy.com

I help Asians go from feeling trapped to becoming self-liberated.