My Top 10 Self-Care Things for Mental Health

Tips from a therapist...in no particular order, these are 10 self-care things that has a positive impact on my mental health:

1. I "Fake Buy" Things

I hate how ads are so predatory...the data mining and algorithm…feeding us ads that prey on our psychology. So I’ve resorted to “fake buying” things.

The last thing I looked at was the Bellroy wallet. And when I get into something, really get into it. I watched a bunch of YouTubers review the wallet. I found it on the Bellroy website, checked it out at a physical store (the leather smells so good yall!), and even added it to my Amazon cart.

But I didn’t buy it. It’s been over a month, and I’m totally over it. The rush (aka dopamine) is gone. I don’t actually need a new wallet, but it sure was exciting to fake buy it.

It’s kinda become a rule now…I wait a week before I make a purchase, so I get the dopamine without having to regret the purchase later on.

2. I For Real Bought a Rice Cooker

I know, I know, I just talked about fake buying things, and here I am, telling you how happy I am having bought a new rice cooker. But hear me out!

I’ve been thinking of buying a new rice cooker for over a year now. I do batch cooking, to save immense amounts of time. With this new rice cooker, I can cook a one-pot meal (meat and veggies and all!) with a click of a button. And it can cook around 6 meals worth of food!

Imagine, spending about 15 minutes prepping all the veggies and meat, then throwing it all into the rice cooker to cook with the rice. And not having to cook for the next 6 days. This was a very intentional purchase, having been mulling over it for a year now.

3. I Made a Low-Cost At-Home Gym

I’ve always had consistency problems going to the gym. It’s far, inconvenient, and it’s NOT fun. But when I skip gym days, my back will hurt. It’s now become a crummy cycle.

So my solution? To emulate my chiropractor’s low-cost at-home gym. I bought myself a set of exercise bands, a steel rod, and a large cutting board as a platform, costing me around $120 total. Now I can emulate the movement of squats, deadlifts, and opened up a lot of new exercises. Since it is at home, it makes the timing way more convenient and flexible, meaning I am way more consistent with my work out. Not to mention it saves me $60 a month on gym membership fees.

The consistency is fending away the back pain, and I can watch TV while I work out. And inbetween work and chores, can I randomly get in a few reps of exercise. But this is relatively new, so we’ll see if I can continue the consistency!

4. I’m Chilling the F Out

Lately, I’ve noticed myself really freak out whenever I think I’m underperforming. It might be worrying about what my supervisor thinks of my competency. But it might also be something as inconsequential as how well I’m playing badminton.

This has been the story of my life…and the story of so many Asians. We’ve grown up having linked our self-worth to our performance and achievements, and we’re so automatic at negatively comparing ourselves to others.

This is something I will continue to work on. It’s gotten way better over time, but lately, it has been resurfacing again. That is mental health for ya. Just when you thought you’ve dealt with it, it comes back with a vengeance, to remind you that we’re here for the long-game.

This is my current mantra to set my daily intention:

• Today, I choose authenticity over performance, enjoyment over competition, and connection over hierarchy.

• I do not need to justify my right to exist through performance, or being impressive/exceptional.

• I'm allowed to just be an ordinary dude in a spectacular world. So have fun! Be yourself! And be present with the people that you like.

5. Being Open to Influence

Me and my wife are quite different when it comes to our “energy.” She’s much more laidback, and I’m much more Type A (ok fine, I admit, I’m uptight). But lots has changed in the past year in my own mental health journey, where I’m feeling a lot more internal safety. As a result, I’m switching from Type A to Type A- (please don’t tell my Asian parents that I got an A-).

The increased internal safety really allows me to vibe with my wife, and be much more open to her influence. And it’s been really good…she really knows how to just chill, and I’m definitely taking notes from her. It also just puts more ease in our relationship, as we both learn from each other, and also lean on each other’s strengths.

6. Reading Fiction

For the past 7 years, I have read exclusively non-fiction…self-development books, therapy books, etc. Reading had been all about attaining skills and gaining some kind of achievement. While that was all and well, it was indicative of my priorities, along with a sometimes-unhealthy relationship with the aforementioned self-worth linking to performance/achievement.

In the past couple of months, I have been reading anthologies of short stories. I have found these to be very soothing for my nervous system, and can literally feel my body relax when I sit down to read. And I’ve been tuning into my body while I read. Once I feel restless or want to stop reading, I allow myself to stop. I never make it an obligation or give myself pressure to read. I do it when I want to, and stop when I don’t feel like reading anymore. It’s been quite liberating, training myself to do things this way.

7. Hiding All My Apps On My Phone

I got a new phone, and for a little while, I was on it all the time – to set it up, but also because phones are addictive. But I think I found my groove. I regularly delete apps that wastes my time but isn’t of any value. And for apps that I still need but want to minimize its usage, I have been hiding it in folders to make it harder to access. That extra effort to find the app really makes a huge difference in lowering my usage time.

Oh ya, and I also put my phone in a lockbox cause the addiction is real.

8. Only Seeing People I Vybe With

For a long time now, I’ve held on to many relationships due to obligation. In the past few months, I’ve been prioritizing time with people who I truly feel myself with. It’s been a lot of checking-in with myself, to assess how I feel with different people. These aren’t bad people (well, most of them anyways). It’s just that our energies don’t align.

Since doing this, I’ve noticed my overall anxiety drop. It’s not just the act of choosing who to spend time with. This is an overall change in the way I honour my own feelings and what I want/need.

Well, going to end this list at 8 things! If you found these helpful, here are a few more tips/things.

Hey there, my name is Harry, and I’m an Asian therapist here to support your search for health and authenticity. If you are open to weekly self-care FUN-ctivities, subscribe to my “Happy Chemicals Club.” Or maybe you'd find my Asian Survival Guide helpful.

Harry Au

Therapy for Asians

MSW, RSW | he/him

HarryAuTherapy.com

I help Asians go from feeling trapped to becoming self-liberated.